Project Tastless

Project Tasteless: I’m not complaining about a night with many O’s but, sweetheart I need a break… and an Omelet

How was your night, my lovelies? Mighty successful after that lovemaking inspired soup I’ll bet. Maybe even mind blowing? tehehe. Well, before you send sexy neighborhood boy out his not-so-shameful trek back to the land of football and leftover turkey sandwiches, you both probably need some sustenance. You know, to ease that fabulous bangover you so rightly earned. 

Enter Project Tasteless 6: Easy Like Sunday Morning Bangover 911 Challenge

The best news about this bangover recovery plan is while you will need to peel yourself out of the tangled mess of sheets you and lover boy have created over the last 12, 14, oh what a wonderfully naughty girl you are, 16 hours, you won’t have to hit up the grocery store. Oh no, my Night of Many O’s Omelet can be whipped up with a few kitchen staples and last night’s leftovers. 
So, drape said sheet over your satiated  (sore, whatever….same difference) limbs and get thee to the kitchen:

You will need:

2 eggs
onion, chopped
green pepper, chopped
mushrooms chopped
deli ham, chopped
Gruyere cheese
salt, pepper and hot sauce to taste

french bread, for toast

You can adjust the portions on the filling items (onion, green peppers, mushrooms, ham) based on how hungry you and your “friend” are. And please don’t skimp on the ham….the boy is likely in need after all, a night of nibbling on your flesh satisfies everyone but his stomach, unfortunately. But we can remedy that….so carry on.

Lazily toss your chopped items (for the omelet filling) into a hot pan and saute until the veggies are tender and the ham is lightly browned.

Whip the eggs with a splash of milk and the seasonings. Trade out the filling mixture in the skillet for the eggs. Once the egg mixture is set, add the cheese and then top with the filling.

Carefully flip the omelet to seal the deal.

Serve with toast and a side of ketchup. The melded flavors of the veggies and cheese will bring back pleasant memories of your successfully seductive meal of the previous evening, while the eggs and ham will put a little spring in your Sunday step…even if you haven’t wandered too far from bed just yet.

Oh, why one plate you ask? Because what better place to enjoy your bangover breakfast than with your sweetie at the scene of the crime? And why not, if you are feeling a little, ahem, energized after the o-o-o-omelet you only have one plate to set aside.

Love to all,
~the “I love having multiple reasons to be lazy on a Sunday Morning” gal, Jess

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Categories: Break Yo Fast, Project Tastless | Leave a comment

Project Tasteless: The French (Invented Lovemaking) Onion Soup

It’s Thanksgiving Weekend and you know what that means…becoming slightly cooped up at the house, as we avoid the crazies at the mall and the psychos on the highway. So, what is a girl to do but lour the cutie-pie neighbor away from the football games and leftover turkey with trimmings over into your bed to your table for a light (sort of), healthy (kind of), vegetarian (nearly) seduction meal. I mean, that’s what Rachel would do.

So, if you are ready to embrace Round Five of Project Tasteless: The I Am, in Fact, Trying to Seduce You Challenge just follow my lead and you will have that boy next door eating out of your hand….or which ever body part you prefer.  The French may have been credited with inventing lovemaking…however, this southern gal not only took a page out of their book, she modified it too!

Without further ado, I give you the tools for seduction, in the form of French Onion Soup.

Gather the arsenal:

2 large onions, sliced
0.5 lb mushrooms, sliced
0.25 cup butter (aka, 1/2 stick)
0.5 cup red wine (I used a French Bordeaux, but you should always cook with whatever wine you like to drink)
2, 10.5 oz cans condensed beef broth (or you could use fresh beef broth, of course)
2.5 cups water
1 teaspoon-ish sugar
1 tablespoon flour
black pepper to taste (you likely won’t need salt, thanks to the beef broth)
French Bread, cut into thick slices and toasted
Smoked Gruyere Cheese, sliced

As you probably noticed, this isn’t your average Frenchie’s soup…I add mushrooms, and use smoked Gruyere instead of the classic Swiss/Parmesan mix.  But you don’t want just an average night in, do you? That’s what I thought….so enough balking at the ingredients…let’s get cooking.

Saute the onions and mushrooms in the butter and sugar until the mushrooms are soft and the onions translucent. Add the flour to thicken up the juices that the onions released.

Once the flour is completely incorporated, add the wine, stock and water, plus pepper and bring to a simmer for about 10 minutes.

Lower the heat and let all the flavors meld while you toast the bread.

Fill soup bowls (make sure they are oven proof, my darlings) nearly to the brim, top with toast and cheese and ladies…be generous with the cheese, because you want this boy to be generous with you later, if you know what I mean. (Also, I thought I took a picture before I popped the soup in the oven, but I guess I got distracted….hot boys soup will do that do you, sorry, I’m not sorry) Bake at 425 degrees F, for 10 minutes…or until the soup is hot, bubbly and the cheese is melted.

Oh.My.God. It is that good. (oh ps. these bad boys will be super hot, so handle with care….but then again what bad boy isn’t super hot and should be handled with care?)

Now, I personally can make an entire meal out of this soup, but I know that those carrying a Y chromosome need a little more “fuel” before the big game night…and trust me ladies, after feeding him this meal, it will be a big night!

So, side up that sexy soup with some roasted zucchini and leftover cranberry sauce.

And a salad inspired by the latest issue of Cooking Light (I followed this pretty much to the T except I used a pink grapefruit instead of oranges).

You want him to be filled up and ready to go, but not too stuffed. This isn’t Thanksgiving all over again ladies and you know as much as I love a good food baby, it has no place in bed.

Set the table and let the seduction begin. Have fun, and be safe. Oh and don’t blame me if all the boys start requesting French Onion Soup for dinner. See you tomorrow for some bangover recovery time.

Love to all,
~the “I might not be French, but I have a few tricks up my lovemaking sleeve anyway” gal, Jess

PS. This recipe makes 4-6 servings…so, you will have plenty for a midnight snack before round two…or three, or….well, you get the point. 

Categories: Project Tastless, Waz Sup(er) | Leave a comment

Project Tasteless: Pretend Postpartum Potatoes

I’m a comfort food gal from wayyyyy back. So I nearly jizzed my pants when Rachel posted the next Project Tasteless prompt: the “Girls Who Eat Their Feelings Challenge” aka classic comfort food.



This gal’s choice of comfort food? Potatoes, cause in reality I’m a good Irish lassie. A good Irish lassie who seems to be the only single girl in a whirling friends circle of moving in together, engagements, weddings and babies! (really? babies!?! ack!). So, when it’s a chilly night at home, in your (sweet) single girl loft, with the company of your fur-baby, Chubby the Mutt, and the blogosphere by your side sometimes a girl needs a little pick me up. ‘Cause trust me, when your brain starts wandering over to the dark side and contemplating weddings, houses and babies (really? babies!?! ack!) you will need a distraction, stat. 

So, in the name of the game, I give you the Triple Threat:  Pretend Postpartum Potatoes. I’m sure you’ve all heard of hysterical pregnancy (thank you Glee)….well, what is a crazy girl to do, who certainly isn’t pregnant (thank you Jesus!) but has an odd lust for maternity clothes? (Sorry, I’m not sorry, I just love the baggy sweater/leggings combo) Have no fear ladies, just woof these potatoes down and you’ll have a food baby in no time, and followed by some serious postpartum, which can be solved with a jaunty run or some soul soothing sun salutations.

Let’s just do the damn thing.


Ingredients:

  •  1lb red bliss potatoes
  • ~4 strips of bacon: cooked, cooled, and crumbled
  •  8oz spinach (I prefer fresh, but was out and had to resort to frozen) 
  •  chunk o’ goat cheese (I don’t really measure, sorry)
  • 1/2 a chuck of cream cheese (this is just to make the potatoes a little creamier…what ever measurement you used for the goat cheese, 1/2 it for the cream cheese) 
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • sriracha sauce for garnish (and if you want to spice up your postpartum!)

Get worked up Work it up:

  • Boil the potatoes until fork tender
  • Steam the spinach (or thaw it- if you are using frozen)
  • Drain the potatoes and dump them back in the pot
  • Mix it all up and bam- baby bump in no time!
  •  

    Bubblin’ away in the gene pool potato pot!
    Come to Momma.
    I did boil the potatoes whole, but as I tossed the potatoes with the spinach, cheese and bacon, they started to break apart. No complaints coming from me ’cause there is no point in crying over spilled milk split potatoes.
    Plated and garnished with aforementioned sriracha, basil for some brightness and freshly grated parma cheese. Yes, more cheese! There is no such thing as too much cheese in my crazy P cubed word, as long as it is good cheese! Sided up with spicy, tangy slaw to cut some of the rich goat-cheesiness.
     
     
    Hello happy food baby! 

    And hello Ben Does Life, I love my shirt! 

    I’ll work out my pretend postpartum tomorrow, because “child!” those potatoes are so worth posting an unflattering picture online. (In actuality, even though this is a very rich meal with the cheese and bacon, my food baby is totally faked, because the spinach really lightens things up)

    Love to all,
    ~the “I’ll give birth to a potato baby anyday” gal, Jess

    DISCLAIMERish thing:  I truly am happy being a single girl and love all my married/soon to be married/expecting/toddler bearing friends. I’ll have all those things one day, but I have standards that just haven’t been met yet. Also, I don’t have that big of a gut….even after eating obscene volumes of potatoes, cheese and bacon. hehe.
    Categories: Project Tastless, Waz Sup(er) | Leave a comment

    Project Tasteless: Big Top Pizza

    I love Halloween. A love so strong I am frequently guilty of planning next year’s costume the day after the big night. Heck, I once even started designing my costume for next year, before Halloween even came and spookily went. So, yeah, I’m down with All Hallows’ Eve.  But I know of one gal who just might rival me in the love of costumes department, and that fabulous female is none other than Rachel Wilkerson. So, when Rachel announced that the 2nd challenge of Project Tasteless was to be a Halloween costume inspired pizza, my brain started whizzing and fizzing more than dry ice in a bowl of hunch punch.

    And thus, inspired by my “Three Ring Hottie” costume the “Fit for a Queen Ring-Mistress” Pizza was born. The Ring Master (or Mistress) has a very important job in a circus. This individual must be strong, yet sexy. Smart yet cunning. She must seduce the crowd, keep the clowns in line and the tigers purring. She is both sweet and spicy, and so is this name sake pizza.

    So let’s start the show :

    Basic Ingredients List:

    Sauce:

    • Raspberry Preserves
    • Chipotle Peppers in Adobo Sauce
    • Tomato Paste

    Toppings:

    • Rotisserie Chicken
    • Green Pepper
    • Jalapeno Pepper
    • Basil
    • Goat Cheese
    • Stilton Cheese with Apricot

      (I used a Pillsbury roll out dough for simplicity, but it was really tasty!)

    These ingredients are simple, but good quality, and just like a good Ring Mistress they will keep the audience guessing. Each bite is a surprise: will it be sweet? fiery? savory?

    The sauce was the key, and I channeled my inner ring mistress, taming the feisty chipotle pepper (1 chopped pepper with about 2 tablespoons of sauce) with the sweetness of raspberry jam (approximately 1/4 cup) then tempered with the stability of tomato sauce (1 heaping tablespoon). I also added 1/3 cup of pumpkin beer, give or take a sip, for a little extra zing- not unlike the terrifying last second catch of a trapeze artist.

    Apply a layer of sauce to the rolled out dough- thin is the idea here, like makeup of the ring mistress, who is the beauty of the three ring circus, not the crazy clowns with their caked on cheeks and noses.

    Layer the sauce with shredded chicken and another drizzle of sauce, then sprinkle all the toppings and crack that whip!

    Bake at 400 degrees F for 12-15 minutes, or until the crust browns and the cheese starts to bubble. 

    Please direct your the attention to the center ring and enjoy this pizza with a side of excitement and circus peanuts, if you so desire.

    Happy Halloween!

    Love to all,
    ~the ring mistress, who moonlights as a pizza gal, Jess

    Categories: Celebrate Good Times-Come On, Project Tastless | Leave a comment

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